On the evening of 11 November, the Canadian delegates and others gathered with Vladyka Seraphim in the quarters provided for him. After people had gathered, eaten and socialised, Vladyka Seraphim introduced to each other all the many Canadians (and ex-patriot Canadians) present in the room that evening. Besides the Canadian delegates and observers, there were many friends of the Archdiocese of Canada amongst those present. Afterwards, he spoke informally from his heart and without notes the words which follow. He likewise answered the questions put to him at that time.
Archbishop Seraphim :
I want to tell you in the first place how much I am grateful to God for being able to have such a group of wonderful Canadian family together here in this “swishest” apartment I have ever been in. These rooms are complimentary – it comes with the hotel, in case anyone thinks that there is anything untoward here. So here is my serious business. My serious business is this : you have heard quite a bit downstairs what we have been going through. For a bishop, what you have heard is the tip of the iceberg. We do not talk too much about what we feel about it all and how it has affected us one way or another, because I think somehow we have difficulty doing that. There are aspects about it that I think you would describe as “H-E-double hockey sticks” [euphemism for “Hell”]. Then came September, and the retirement of Metropolitan Herman, and my becoming (for those of you who know The Mikado) “Lord High Everything” of the OCA. The result of that has been for me more work than I have ever had to do in my life, and an ability to accomplish far less with all this frenetic running around than I ever thought. As a result of this particular situation, I have the minutes of two Holy Synod meetings (September and October), which I have not finished. Even though when I was in n on Saturday and Sunday, when there was enough time on Sunday night to work for four hours on the minutes (thanks to Father n), I am still a long way from finishing them. That is due to the fact that these minutes have to be so carefully prepared and written. It is just beyond the ability to do. Eventually, it can be done, but it is beyond the ability to do according to people’s expectations. This is the environment in which I have been living.
Then there came yet another kind of personal, threatened attack on me. In the context of the whole thing, I decided that I would write a letter, and you will get a copy of it tonight. That letter says that I do not want to be a candidate to be Metropolitan. Now, you can do whatever you like with that letter. I have been asking you not to nominate me, because that is what the whole process is. I have been asking you not to nominate me. I have put it on paper that I do not think that I should be, because there are many reasons that I think I should not be. But in the end, at the same time, people can argue that I have no right to say what I said on this paper. So, I am just saying to you now that I have put on paper that I do not think that I am the right person, and I will give you some more reasons in a minute. But if the Lord tells you in your heart something different, listen to your heart, and do not listen to me. You have to listen to your heart. This is one of the reasons that I wrote this letter, too, because under the circumstances, I, who keep telling everyone to live by the heart, have ended up living so much here [Archbishop Seraphim points to his forehead] that I can hardly hear the heart right now, and it is really disturbing me.
So, if that white hat ends up on this head, you had better pray an awful lot. On the other hand, I have thought through a lot of these things, and in no circumstances, if this were to happen to me, could I give up the Diocese of Canada in the foreseeable future [clapping]. There are various reasons. Apart from the pastoral reasons involved in the diocese and its development and stability, I saw the chronology of our diocese before the diocesan council meeting, proof-read it (and other people have seen it), and our history from the beginning has been catastrophe after catastrophe. One bishop dies ; another bishop goes ; bishops come and go, and there is no firm foundation for the diocese. We are not yet at the firm foundation ; we are only getting to some kind of a stage of that possible firm foundation. So, there is no way that there can be a disconnection until we have other warm bodies (that are the right warm bodies) to ensure that the future of the diocese is going to be stable. That is the first priority for me.
There is another practical thing. I cannot lose Canadian residency, because if I lose Canadian residency, that is the end of any idea of pension. What do I have for pension ? This is just something practical – it has nothing to do with reality – God will look after everything. This is just how I feel. What do I have to look forward to possibly (just in practicalities) ? If this were not a possibility right now [becoming Metropolitan], I would just stay in Canada and keep working until I died. But, if this happens [becoming Metropolitan] and the vicissitudes of Orthodox Church life in North America being what they are (i.e. very unpredictable), and if I had to retire for some reason, what would I have if I gave up my residency ? The answer is : “goose egg”, pension-wise [old slang for “zero”]. This is because there is no such thing as an OCA pension for me. Normally I have only the universal Old Age Pension, for which you have to be continuously resident [in Canada] for ten years in advance [of the age of 65]. I spend my whole life there [in Canada], and then two years here, and that’s it – gone. I would have to live another ten years in Canada before I could come. It is not that much money, as you know. There is also the Canadian Pension (a contributory pension), which for me does not add up to much. Then there are these few little RRSPs. Practically speaking, until I am 65, you are going to be stuck with me [clapping]. I am anticipating that if this were to happen, it would take more than another three years to accomplish what we have to accomplish.
Father n :
My fear is (and I am speaking for many of us here) that if you were to be Primate and try to be our “Papa”, you couldn’t take it – it would kill you. We are hoping that we would have you longer if we had you all to ourselves.
Archbishop Seraphim :
That has been my hope. The threat has been what it has been, and so I wrote the letter. Since I wrote the letter, I figure that if the outcome is different from what I wrote in the letter (because people are not bound by this letter), then it would prove to me that God wants it. Then I would understand also that God would give the Grace, and I would find the ways to make it work so that it doesn’t kill me too fast [laughter].
Comment from n :
It is about time that we had a Metropolitan of Canada and America, of Ottawa and all North America.
Archbishop Seraphim :
I don’t know.
Archpriest n :
(Addressing Father n) Father, I disagree with you. Vladyka, you wrote that letter and I have known you long enough to know that you mean it. Because you do not want the job, you should have it. I will disobey you. I will vote for you twice, and so will many, many other people. So I have to disobey you.
Archbishop Seraphim :
That’s all God’s will. Father, you cannot “vote” for anyone. The word is “nominate”.
Archpriest n :
We have to nominate you, and many, many other people will, also. We are still the people of God on this council.
Archbishop Seraphim :
That is their business. It is their business to listen to their hearts, and do whatever their hearts say.
Archpriest n :
I think that for three reasons you should not do what you are doing. First reason is : canonically ; second, morally, and third, the obedience that you have always shown us to Christ and His Holy Church. I can assure you that all those people here will be with you, as you have always been with us. You will stay as long as you wish our Primate, our Archbishop of Canada. Don’t worry about pension and money, Vladyka ; you will be looked after. [Looking around] I hope you agree with me. Everything will be done for you. What I heard those two days so far, I am very happy about this council because we are getting there. What do I see ? I see the Church of Christ in North America. Now it looks very varied – I am looking around and I see all kinds of priests and delegates - some are well dressed and some are poorly dressed ; some are Greek-dressed and some are Russian-dressed ; some have a beard, some do not. Some are some sort of strange monks. This is our Church. This is our reality. What we show here in Pittsburgh is our Church. In Canada, we are bigger than the United States, and we are almost as big as Russia. This is the reality. Now the time has come. In Orlando, I nominated Archbishop Herman twice, because you asked us, and it was then his time. I have heard from people in Syosset that they are very happy with you. Vladyka, so you are complaining that you do not get anything done, and that is all “baloney”. I have heard from people who did not even expect it of you : they said that you put everything in place with your love, and not with despotic orders. Now is the time for you. Vladyka, you have to go to Golgotha. This is an invitation to Golgotha.
Father n :
You missed one reason why Vladyka Seraphim should not write that letter – if he writes the letter, then people might vote for him because he does not want the job, and we want him to lose. We want to keep our Vladyka.
Archpriest n :
That is what I mean – that he is worthy. People will not lose him, and the Church will gain him. Vladyka, I will disobey you ; I will nominate you, so goodnight, I am going to bed.
Archbishop Seraphim :
All I am saying about everything is that I want you to listen to your hearts, and don’t play politics with this, because the Metropolitan of our Church is such a serious thing. It is so serious. There are people who do play politics with this, and it cannot be.
Matushka n :
I know that I am one of the newcomers here. I have been coming to Canada every summer since 1951.
Archbishop Seraphim :
I was only five when you started coming to Canada. You are no newcomer.
Matushka n :
You were a little boy, and since then you have always been that for me.
Archbishop Seraphim :
[Going up to Matushka n] This is “Adopted Mama”, in case you didn’t know.
Matushka n :
Now, adopted son, I am being very serious. We have always been friends, close friends, despite all these titles (Vladyka, Matushka, etc.) ; there is a human love between people. I personally want to tell you that I deeply respect your letter, your desire, whatever reasons you give (complex and real). They are yours. It is your business. You are your own person.
Archbishop Seraphim :
Just so you know, before I wrote this letter, I was feeling that I was being walked on by fire ants. I wrote the letter ; now it is all God’s will.
Matushka n :
I want you to feel from me, personally, that I respect your definite and clear and total allegiance to the Church. Each one of us has some kind of allegiance ; we all try. Yours has been a model for us – your allegiance to the Church, the way you serve. So your reasons are your reasons and I personally respect them deeply. If this is what you want, and what you choose, it’s what you should have, with our love. [Someone says “Amen” and clapping follows.]
Another priest says :
Vladyka, if it should happen, may I ask whether you have any plans in this council or in the immediate future to gather your Canadian flock together ? Because if it happens, I feel personally that I would suddenly feel as if my father were just taken from me. I am speaking in a kind of sentimental way here. But I feel that if you are wearing that white hat, I would like to put a request in that you call us together before the end of this council, and just talk to us about what we, as your flock, and Archdiocese, can expect. I know that you do not know, but at the same time if you could just be with us a little bit before ….
Archbishop Seraphim :
Father n will make sure that it happens. That’s what Father n always does for me. If things have to happen, Father n always makes it happen.
Father n continues :
It is going to be a wrenching experience, and I am just trying to prevent that.
Archbishop Seraphim :
That is why I wrote the letter. Now it is God’s will. Whatever happens is God’s will. Every week was not a sustainable way to live. If that [becoming Metropolitan] happened, I would have to do something completely different.
Comment :
You would invite them over there [to Canada].
Archbishop Seraphim :
The problem is that the way the structure of The Orthodox Church in America is right now, it demands having the Metropolitan in the office a lot, and more than I was just those few days a week.
Comments :
Your territory is in three countries now – you can choose. You could have an auxiliary office in Ottawa, or Vancouver.
Archbishop Seraphim :
I haven’t the faintest idea what would happen.
Father n :
Dear Vladyka, we have known each other for a long time. I have heard everyone speak here. I heard you speak, and you say to go with our hearts, and my heart tells me that I can no longer not put your name and nominate you, I swear to you now. I understand the pain you would go through losing your father here.
Archbishop Seraphim :
It’s not going to be a complete loss.
Father n :
For me, it would be a loss not to have him. I have Archbishop Dmitri, as you know, we have an auxiliary now to carry on, but you, in my eyes and my heart, are what the Church needs now to go through the process of re-uniting, of forgiving, because that is your loving nature. When we have a loving father, forgiveness is right there as well.
Archbishop Seraphim :
Do not use too much logic about this whole thing. Listen to your hearts, and do what your heart says, that’s what I want. Do what the Lord tells you in your heart. I said that before. This environment was like this the last time. People are busy doing this campaigning, one thing or another, pressuring, and “blah-blah-blahing”. The heart, and hearing what the Lord says we have to do, is what is important. That is another reason also why I wrote the letter. I have heard people talking about this for quite a while now. I want people to understand clearly : I do not look for this thing and I do not want it. I will take it if God forces me to have it, but I don’t want it.
Archpriest n :
Here is another scenario. Assuming that you don’t get it, can I suggest (particularly because of everything that has built up coming up to this and this whole time) that you encourage the [Holy] Synod of Bishops to give you a little break from External Affairs or whatever.
Archbishop Seraphim :
Don’t worry. I have talked about getting rid of some of my responsibilities, because I am Lord High Everything, and it is beyond belief. So, I have been talking about getting rid of some things, but I have been told that for the foreseeable future I can’t think about losing External Affairs. Nobody else has any contacts outside of our Church, it seems, to speak of.
Comment :
What about [giving up being] Secretary of the Holy Synod ?
Archbishop Seraphim :
N has reminded me that Archbishop n was Secretary of the Holy Synod for fifteen years and then he gave it over to me. Now I have been secretary for fifteen years and I could give it to someone else for fifteen years. It is enough for me, this secretary business. There are other things that I can give over, too. If I don’t have to do this, maybe I could give more time to the diocese, which I have been neglecting because I have been doing all these things on the States’ side in order to make up for our lack of monetary contributions. So that is the environment.
How much time do we have ? We don’t have any more time. Forgive me [makes a prostration].
All the delegates :
God forgives. Forgive us and pray for us [singing of “Many Years”].